As a Latina, single mama of three chicas, I’m quickly learning that addressing topics related to sexuality is a journey, not “a” conversation. It’s one filled with sensitivity, intention and, to be honest, lots of fear. Each of my girls, with their unique personalities and in varying developmental stages, has required a different approach to understanding these subjects.
When my youngest, who’s 6, came home from kindergarten and told me about a boy exposing himself to her, I fought the urge to react on impulse. It definitely served as a reminder of how important it is to teach our children about healthy boundaries from an early age. Just like my eldest, the conversation during these early years with Luna, began with the basics: understanding that her body is her own and that no one has the right to make her feel uncomfortable or unsafe. We have always called body parts by their proper names, something I think all parents should do for safety reasons. Discussions about where babies come from have been simple and straightforward. She has grown up learning that babies grow inside a mommy’s belly and that when they are born they come out of a mama’s vagina. This explanation has always satisfied her curiosity. The focus early on has been mostly on fostering a healthy relationship with her body and building trust so she feels she can always come to me with any questions.
My niece, who I am also caring for, is eight years old. It’s tricky when stepping in to raise a child who’s spent the first four years of her life in an unknown environment where she’s experienced trauma. The conversations that have taken place are those shared with my youngest and it wasn’t until recently that her curiosity surpassed what has already been said. Questions were raised in school but she was quite adamant about sharing in her curiosity at home. Eventually, my sister was able to provide age-appropriate answers explaining that a baby starts growing when a sperm meets an egg. We avoided going into specifics about the act itself, instead we focused on the science behind making a baby. We also have continued conversations about the importance of consent and respecting others’ personal space which I feel is essential in helping her develop a deep sense of respect for herself and others.
With my eldest, who’s 10, the conversation surrounding sex was one I was dreading for quite some time. Her pre-teen angst has served as the heads up that puberty is quickly approaching. A year or so ago, I purchased a book to serve as a guide for us to be able to discuss subjects that are important when trying to understand your changing body. If there is one thing I knew, I did not want to repeat the taboo type of conversations from my own youth nor the lack of communication surrounding sexuality, which still blows my mind.
Since gender and sexuality were part of the curriculum at school this year, I knew the time had come and that I needed to step up, especially since she kept reminding me that the topic of how babies are made was coming up. One night during this last wave of 4th grade, I curled up with her in bed, and we started talking. I did not make it awkward… I provided her with the scientific explanation about how babies are made, including the role of sperm and eggs and although I thought she would be the one to ask how they come together, she did not. I asked her if she was curious to know and she said yes. When I explained that they come together during intercourse, her facial expression, a combination of surprise and disgust, said it all. I took the opportunity to talk a bit about the emotional and ethical parts of sex. I emphasized that sex is a serious act that comes with responsibilities and potential risks. We talked a little further about consent, stressing that it’s a mutual agreement and can be withdrawn at any time. Considering how delicate the conversation was, I was so cautious not to instill fear or my own preconceived notions that could cloud her understanding. I took the opportunity to ask what she’s heard from friends in order to address any misinformation. Being very conscious about not listening to my own voice, I wanted to allow her the safe space to share her thoughts too. As a teenager, I always craved that space… one that would allow these vulnerable and impactful conversations.
I plan to be intentional about having these moments, these check-ins, since they evolve as my kids grow and their understanding deepens. As a mama, I take pride in the values I impart to these chicas, knowing that I am helping them navigate the complexities of growing up with confidence and self-respect. I know, as parents, we are in different stages and journeys, but if there is one advice I can give is this… think back to your childhood, your adolescence, even your early adulthood and reflect on your own journey through puberty and sexuality. How could it have been better? If it’s one thing we can all agree on is that when we approach these topics with love, honesty and sensitivity, we can guide our kids toward a healthy relationship with themselves. I believe that by equipping my children with knowledge, while exercising patience and empathy, it will continue boosting the confidence they need to navigate this crazy world.
I would love to hear how you all navigate these topics… parent tips welcome!
